I'm tired...

I am so tired of being sad. I feel like some days I am doing good...and then others I see or think of something that reminds me of Annie...and then it all turns sad. For a long time I didn't have time or the energy to be sad since I have a newborn to take care of. But since things are getting regular and on a schedule...there has been time to stop and think about Annie not being here. Well this week there has been another sad family event. My mom's dad...my Grandpa...has pasted away. This is so sad...and once again...my family and I are making plans, looking through pictures, going to a funeral. I know I am getting older...but I am not ready for my family to keep going through death. I could cry so hard just thinking about the older I get...the more I will be facing this. I know it's apart of the "progress" or "life"...but it still makes it hard, sad, and not fun. I am ready to have my normal back. I am ready to listen the radio and not hear a song that makes a sad memory come to mind...see a restaurant that doesn't remind me of the last time I was with someone...being able to stand the silence...not dread the future with my grandparents and even parents. I am tired of being sad. This is a time in my life with my baby Tinley I am loving and wanting to soak all this in. Thank you Lord for her...because without her and my Chris...I think I would want to pack up and move away from all this family sadness. I know that once again...the Lord is making me stronger and teaching me something through all this. I know I will still be standing outside this storm.

This is my sweet Grandpa...he taught me how to be a country girl in my city girl skin...one of my favorite memories of my Grandpa is how he taught me how to drive a four wheeler (which now I think about it...maybe he knew or hoped I would marry a country man and needed to know how to drive a four wheeler :)...so thank goodness the four wheeling lessons didn't go to waste because my country man has stolen my heart for sure...

Please say a prayer for my family and I...and especially for my sweet Momma...her sister in September and now her Daddy. Thanks my blogger family!